Harassment & Blackmail
by Luna Darkside
Summary: "Hattori, I'm being sexually harassed by the Kaitou Kid." /ShinKai, oneshot, complete/


_Set at a time where Hattori and Shinichi are twenty or older. Otherwise we've got some underage drinkers in our midst. Rated T for some implications and some sexual content._

_Anyway, I have no idea where this came from. Honest. And I wrote this, like, four weeks ago and forgot to post it. – Luna_

**Harassment & Blackmail**

"Hattori, I'm being sexually harassed."

Hattori Heiji, while not expecting that comment as his best friend, acclaimed detective Kudou Shinichi, seated himself across from him at their favorite bar, was not all too shocked by the proclamation. He knew Shinichi had to deal with fangirls and stalkers and everything that came with being famous.

Until, that is, Shinichi added, "By the Kaitou Kid."

That was when Hattori's brain had shut down.

"_What _did you just say?" he sputtered after staring at Shinichi for a good twenty seconds with his jaw dangling somewhere near his feet.

Running a hand through his hair, Shinichi reiterated, "I'm being sexually harassed by the Kaitou Kid. What should I do?"

The Osakan only continued to gape. "You're joking, aren't you?"

Lifting an eyebrow, Shinichi leveled him a flat glare. "You think I'd joke about this kind of thing?"

Hattori shrugged, slowly picking up his shot glass. "No, but I was hoping." He downed the shot before reestablishing eye contact, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "So, uh, what has he been… doing? Or done?"

Shinichi flagged down the bartender, ordered four shots, and downed two before shooting Hattori a bleak look. "He surprise attacked me while I was coming out of the bathroom last heist," he explained, rubbing his eyes as if already feeling the effects of the alcohol. "Then he tied me up –"

"Whoa, whoa, Kudou, are you sure it's just harassment and not rape?" interjected Hattori, going red in the face.

The other detective shook his head. "No, there wasn't anything like… that. And anyway, Kid's not into BDSM. He told me himself."

Hattori took a few moments to process this information. "And you believed him."

"Uh, yes."

The Western detective snatched up one of Shinichi's shots and drained the glass. "Okay. Carry on."

Nodding, Shinichi continued, "And so he tied me up, and I think he might've drugged me –"

"Are you _sure _it's not rape?"

"Hattori, I can't tell the story if you keep interrupting."

Another shot. "Sorry, sorry."

"So he drugged me, and when I woke up, I was on this really big bed with rose petals all around me and before you say anything _it wasn't rape._"

Hattori, whose lips had already parted in preparation of asking once more, snapped his mouth shut and ordered another three rounds of shots.

Rolling his eyes at Hattori's growing predictability, Shinichi pressed on, "And then Kid popped up out of nowhere. He was all smiley and cheerful and he apologized for knocking me out and taking me to his place. He was very polite and very Kid. And then he kissed me."

Blinking at the blunt way the last statement had been stated, Hattori blankly asked, "So what did you do in response?"

Shinichi looked scandalized. "I kissed him back, of course," he declared, as if it was a given.

"…Right, so where does the nonconsensual bit come in? Because otherwise it's not sexual harassment," Hattori remarked, his head starting to hurt as he reached for another glass.

"Of course it was nonconsensual. Why would I willingly kiss Kaitou Kid?" said Shinichi, taking two shots in quick succession.

Hattori lifted his head to gawp at him. "But you just said –"

"I obviously couldn't lose to him in that kind of competition," Shinichi explained, setting down the second glass with a look of determination on his face. "Letting him dominate me would've been admitting defeat. But I actually might've gotten carried away a little at some points," he reflected pensively, observing the depths of the empty cup, "Because he was a good kisser. He tasted good, too. Sort of like cinnamon and vanilla, maybe. ."

Having just begun his fourth shot, Hattori choked and began hacking violently. "Excuse me, I thought you said that Kaitou Kid is a good kisser and tastes good," he managed between coughs.

Waiting until he was done and had resumed the shot, Shinichi innocently confirmed, "I did say that," and watched, just as innocently, as Hattori lapsed into another coughing fit.

After finally clearing his lungs, Hattori lifted a shaking finger, pointing at Shinichi accusingly. "Kudou, you did that on purpose."

"Did what?" The detective batted his eyelashes coyly, smirking maliciously.

Staring at him, Hattori sighed and shook his head. "You know what? Just go on." He grumbled something incoherent under his breath as he inhaled another shot.

"Oh, right. So after we kissed for a while, he pulled back. I got him to blush," Shinichi added proudly. "And then he knocked me out again and deposited me back at the museum. I've still got this, though." He pulled back his collar to reveal a red mark on the pale, smooth slant of his neck.

Hattori squinted across the table at it, vaguely bemused. "What's that?"

"Hickey."

"...Oh."

Shinichi observed him as he took another shot. Hattori was going to be in some pain tomorrow morning, he was betting.

Pushing aside the thought, Shinichi leaned forward. "So obviously, that's sexual harassment, right?"

"Uh…" Hattori swallowed. "Yes?"

"Right?" Shinichi exhaled and sat back in his seat, looking thoughtful. "What do you think I should do?"

"Why would you ask _me _that?" muttered Hattori, rubbing his head. Evidently the alcohol was hitting him already. "I don't know. Confront him about it, or something."

"…I don't know why I asked you." Shinichi only rolled his eyes.

* * *

However, by his tenth shot, Shinichi was seeing things Hattori's way.

"Y'know, Hattori," he began, placing his empty glass at the top of the tower he was building at the center of the table, "I actually know who he is now. When he was carrying me back out of his house, I saw the nameplate. Kuroba something." He stopped talking to breathe. "Think I should go over?"

"Of course," Hattori croaked in response. "Jus' call someone to get you there."

"No, we're actually pretty close," Shinichi disagreed, standing on somewhat unstable legs. "Only a couple blocks, actually. Don't know why we're so close. Think it's a coincidence?"

"Sure, sure," agreed Hattori, flapping a hand. "Look, drinks on me today. You go do what you gotta."

"Thanks," Shinichi thanked, giving a crooked smile before stumbling out of the bar.

Hattori watched, wondering if he had actually just encouraged his best friend to go confront the Kaitou Kid about his alleged sexual harassment.

…Oh well. He shrugged and took another shot.

* * *

Shinichi was standing outside Kid's house, the square one-level place with the nameplate reading Kuroba and tiny rose garden, shivering and trying to decide if this was actually a good idea or not. He was, in fact, still capable of comprehensible thought, despite the ten shots, and was now considering that hey, he might be trying to do something really, really stupid.

He was also wondering if Kaito was ever going to answer his door, because Shinichi had rung the bell, like, four times already and it was kind of cold outside.

As Shinichi was reaching for the doorbell once more, the door suddenly flew open and a somewhat annoyed Kuroba Kaito stood in the doorway, scowling.

"Do you know how late it is –" he started to grumble, but appeared to go through a mild heart attack at the sight of Shinichi standing on his doorstep.

"Good evening, Kid," Shinichi replied calmly.

Kaito, whose eyes appeared to be roughly the same size as watermelons, only managed a weak, "Uh."

"May I come in?" asked Shinichi politely, even though, you know, he was about to confront Kaito and all.

"Er…" Kaito looked behind him, somewhat panicked, before nodding briefly. "S-Sure, come on in." As Shinichi breezed past him in a miraculously straight line, he called, "Was there something you wanted, tantei-kun…?"

Considering the question carefully, Shinichi nodded as he sat down on Kaito's couch. "Mmhm. Well, yes. I was wondering about the sexual harassment."

Kaito, who had just closed the door and turned to face him, appeared to go through yet another heart attack.

Somewhere in Shinichi's tequila-addled brain, he worried for the man's health. Heart attacks this early on couldn't be a good sign.

"I'm sorry?" managed Kaito, once he had lifted himself off the ground and strode cautiously over to Shinichi. "What did you just say?"

"You know, the sexual harassment." Shinichi only lifted his eyebrows as Kaito seemed to swallow his tongue.

"S-Sexual harassment?" he choked, somewhat red in the face. "C-Could you elaborate on when that occurred?"

Shinichi frowned. "The time with the roses and the bed and the kissing." He inwardly added Alzheimer's to Kaito's list of possible ailments, because it was not normal to forget that kind of thing.

Kaito nodded very mechanically. "I… see. I know what you're talking about." He ran a hand through his hair tiredly. "That wasn't… it wasn't supposed to… I was just... you were..."

"Well, it was kind of, y'know, illegal and all that," Shinichi said airily. He wasn't really sure where he was going with this, to be honest, but Kaito was staring at him with those wide indigo eyes and they were a little distracting.

As in, _very_ distracting.

"But, uh, tantei-kun…" Kaito stuttered, and Shinichi swept a quick gaze over him. It started out as an attempt to observe his body language, but Shinichi suddenly noticed a set of bruises along Kaito's collarbone.

Ones that looked suspiciously like…

"Hey, what are those?" Shinichi asked (more like demanded), rising and hurrying over.

Startled, Kaito backed up a couple steps as Shinichi approached. "Tantei-kun?" he exclaimed, alarmed as Shinichi tugged the neckline of his t-shirt away from his chest. "Isn't this a bit…?"

"What are these?" Shinichi was glaring at the red marks as his grip unconsciously tightened on the fabric of Kaito's shirt.

Had someone else dared to claim his thief? A surge of disturbingly possessive jealously surged through him.

Meanwhile, Kaito was staring hard at Shinichi. "Hey… tantei-kun, are you drunk…?" he asked, a note of disbelief obvious in his voice.

The detective only shrugged, refusing to remove his eyes from the bruises. "Mmhmm. Ten shots," he responded, tracing each with his index finger. "Who gave these to you?"

Kaito blinked and frowned. "What are you talking about? Obviously it was –" He broke off with an abrupt squeak when he felt something wet against his collarbone. Frozen, he barely managed to look down to see Shinichi lightly sucking on each of the marks, leaving a fresh one in return.

Shinichi chose that moment to look up, and the sight of smoldering azure eyes staring into his as a tongue played s-l-o-w-l-y over his skin made Kaito shiver.

"H-Hey, tantei-kun…" Kaito stammered, flushing. "Isn't _this _more like sexual harassment than what I –"

His words were cut off when Shinichi unexpectedly lunged up and smashed his lips against Kaito's.

A minute passed before Shinichi drew back, eyes dark and intense.

"You know, Kid, sexual harassment is illegal. So unless you want me to turn me in, I think you'd better do what I say," he whispered lowly against Kaito's lips.

Kaito gaped. "Wait, are you blackmailing me into _more _sexual harassment –"

He was interrupted again by the presence of Shinichi's lips against his once more.

As he felt the soft press of those lips, Kaito wondered if he should tell Shinichi that the detective himself had given him those hickeys when Kaito had "sexually harassed" him.

There was a hand on his back and suddenly Shinichi's tongue slipped into his mouth.

Well, Kaito decided, that could wait until later.

* * *

**Ahahaha? *weak laugh***

**...I swear, every fic**** I'm getting closer and closer to a lemon.**

**On a somewhat related note, I'm sorry for the long stretch of time between updates. I'm juggling a loooooooooot of editing (I make AMVs too, in case you didn't know) and I'm also trying to write a fairly long Christmas fic for you guys. It's not coming along very easily, though *sigh*. Plus I have actual IRL things as well...**

**Well, thanks for reading and consider dropping me a review, k? - Luna**


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